Holidays

I'm off to Iran to spend the holidays with the missus tomorrow. I hope to have nice snowy pictures to post in a couple of weeks.

Prodrive

Had a good weekend last week accompanying my brother, Brian, on his Prodrive day at their circuit near Warwick. He actually had to put his Mazda RX8 through its paces on skid pans, a slalom course, a high speed circuit and a notorious 'adverse handling' circuit which is very twisty and has adverse cambers to make it more fun. 40 cars took part and a fun time was had by all. We stayed at a hotel near Rugby the previous night and a room had been set aside by the RX8 owners club with Scalectrix and Ninetendo Wii. Some of the participants on the day have already posted films on YouTube. See:-

http://youtube.com/watch?v=7pwbjVBtlTI

AND

http://youtube.com/watch?v=nB-qp5SAoTo

Tehran

I have been neglecting this page for some time, possibly because I've been a bit too busy to bother. Anyway, I did get out to Tehran to see the trouble and strife last month. I was pleasantly surprised to find a safe and friendly city. That is apart from the traffic which is hellish. No need for a theme park when you can have just as much of a thrill on a simple taxi ride.

There are good restaurants and shops, with no booze for sale of course, and a few sights worth seeing. Women, including the wife, have to cover their heads when out and about but very few wear the complete burkha as in Sunni Moslem countries. In fact it is obvious that the majority try to look informal with jeans under a short coat and a headscarf. Hopefully the stringent rules relating to the Islamic dress code will soften given time.

Anyone worried about visiting Tehran should not do so - as long as you have the correct visa of course :)

Livingstone is a c**t

A nice bit of graffiti has appeared on the roof of a London bus. It wasn't spotted until it was out on service but bought some light relief to office workers.

Police are investigating the offence and want to interview anyone with a grievance against Mayor Ken Livingstone. They'll have their work cut out as that is about 7 million suspects.

Boris for Mayor

The more cynical might see this as a lame excuse to put a risqué picture of Konnie Huq on the blog. However, I was amazed this week when Ken Livingstone's propaganda rag 'The Londoner', which incidentally costs the London ratepayer £6 million a year to produce, declared Konnie's support for a recent bicycle event. What it didn't say was that she withdrew her support after Ken started spouting political stuff. This put her job as a BBC presenter in immediate peril. Her agent had to apologise profusely to the BBC who had warned him about making a booking for Konnie at an event where Ken Livingstone was involved.

The sooner we can get that megalomaniac out of office the better. He just bulldozes through crazy policies without listening to any common sense. He is responsible for all those bus lanes that hold up the traffic (there's one in Coulsdon which isn't even on a bus route), so called congestion charging, bendy buses that can obliterate his beloved cyclists, letting teenagers travel free which has resulted in transport being practically a no go area and the murder of thousands of pigeons in Trafalgar Square. OK - I'm not so unhappy about the last one. He criticizes opposition councillors expense claims which would be fair enough if he hadn't swanned off on a paid junket to the Caribbean and South America which was completely pointless. It just satisfied his life long desire to brown nose with Fidel Castro.

His latest brainwave is to set up cameras to fine motorists who stray into the completely empty cycle lanes that are narrowing down the streets all over London and causing more congestion. His 'congestion charge' failed miserably to ease congestion so it has mutated to an environmental charge. He wants to charge larger cars £25 to enter London if he gets re-elected. Cameras are already in place which will spot lorries that emit to much pollution and they will be charged hundreds. How long before that applies to cars as well?

He has to go. Boris Johnson for Mayor!

Stonehenge

At last, the truth is out. Stonehenge has been voted the UK's least satisfactory tourist attraction. It costs a load to get in and you still can't get within 20 yards of the stones. It may be historically significant but it really isn't very big. The Avebury Stone Circle to the north is just as impressive and free. There is a village with a nice pub in the middle of it so there's not a lot they can do about that.

They are even thinking of diverting the A303 trunk route so that Stonehenge cannot be seen for free from the road.

I remember as a kid, we would stop at Stonehenge, half way to our destination in Devon for our summer holiday, and just clamber on the rocks for nothing. I suppose people had been doing much the same for 5,000 years. English Heritage must be making a bundle out of admission fees as they can't require much maintenance.

Incidentally, Alnwick Castle in Northumberland (a beautiful and largely undiscovered part of the UK) was voted most satisfactory. Personally I prefer Bamburgh Castle nearby (pictured above) for its impressive coastal setting, much used in Robin Hood/King Arthur type film shoots.

Pat Condell

Some good stuff from the atheist comedian.

Check out his LiveLeak videos and his web page.


Live Leak Videos

Web page

He should be on TV but I suppose the channels are too scared of offending the narrow minded religious bigots.

Climate Change

NEWS FROM THE BBC

Hundreds of people living on the east coast of Britain have died in some of the worst storms ever recorded.

Gale force northerly winds lashed the coastline and broke through flood defences from Yorkshire down to Kent throughout the night.

Swelling tides and high winds mixed to form a fatal combination which claimed dozens of lives and flooded thousands of homes on low-lying land all along the east coast.

Many people were forced to spend the night on their rooftops waiting to be rescued by over-stretched emergency services.

'Exceptionally strong winds'

The storm began on the west coast of Ireland yesterday morning, passed over Orkney and then funnelled down the North Sea, driving a deadly mountain of water before it.

The Princess Victoria ferry, travelling from Scotland to Ireland, was forced to abandon ship in the Irish Sea after it was caught in the heavy storms. The death toll reached 130.

Warnings of "rather high tides" issued by the Dutch authorities did not reach Britain and it is known many people in both Holland and Belgium also lost their lives.

The eye of the storm hit eastern Scotland at approximately midday yesterday as Dunstable Met Office warned of "exceptionally strong winds".

The first fatalities on land were reported at approximately 1700 hrs yesterday after 20ft (6m) waves crashed through flood defences in Lincolnshire. More than 40 people are feared drowned.

Throughout the night the high winds travelled down the east coast ripping through sea walls and claiming dozens of lives.

Counties worst affected were Yorkshire, Lincolnshire, Norfolk, Suffolk, Essex and Kent.

In Canvey Island, Essex, the entire 13,000-strong population was moved to safety as the bad weather took hold. Essex police said they had recovered 30 bodies during the night.

Eye-witnesses up and down the country said water was gushing through streets and thousands of homes were flooded

This is from the 1st February 1953, over 54 years ago. That is when the earths temperatures were falling. I suppose that TV's didn't have standby in those days though! How about this from August 1952

1952: Flood devastates Devon village

Twelve bodies have been recovered and 24 people are missing feared dead in the flood which has swept through Lynmouth in north Devon.

The normally picturesque holiday village was evacuated early today as troops and council workers were brought in to begin clearing the devastation.

Hundreds of people have been left homeless. There is no water, gas or electricity supply. All the boats in the harbour have been washed out to sea. Four main road bridges have been swept away.

The flood followed yesterday's torrential rain. In the 24 hours before, some nine inches (22.9cm) of rain had fallen on Exmoor, just four miles (6.4km) away.

The water flowed off the moors and into the rivers East and West Lyn which came together as a raging torrent in the steep, narrow valley leading into Lynmouth.

Tom Denham, owner of the Lyndale Hotel, said his cellars had flooded before so he was not too worried at first.

He said: "About half-past nine there was a tremendous roar. The West Lyn had broken its banks and pushed against the side of the hotel, bringing with it thousands of tons of rocks and debris in its course.

"It carried away the chapel opposite and a fruit shop. Three people in the fruit shop were swept against the lounge windows of the hotel. We managed to pull them through in the nick of time.

"I then ordered everyone to go to the second floor, where they huddled in the corridors for safety. In all we had 60 people in the hotel all night."

A fisherman, Ken Oxenholme, said the high street was impassable so he had to run through the woods to reach his wife and child, who were staying in a caravan at the top end of Lynmouth.

He said: "As we watched, we saw a row of cottages near the river, in the flashes of lightning because it was dark by this time, fold up like a pack of cards and swept out with the river with the agonising screams of some of the local inhabitants who I knew very well."

The Queen has sent a message of sympathy, which was read out at a meeting in the town hall this evening. A telegram of sympathy was also received from Queen Mary.

The full extent of the damage is not yet clear. Early estimates say it will cost between £3 and £5m to repair.

The most revealing detail is the level of inflation. One decent house in that area could cost nearly that much these days.

It's still raining

Last summer we were subjected to a hosepipe ban as the climate change activists were blaming the unusually hot and dry weather on man's disastrous behaviour, leaving the way open for Ken Livingstones' London Assembly and the national government to make our life even more miserable with bloody green taxes and that sort of rubbish.

This year we had twice the average rainfall in the winter and, after a brief respite in April, it hasn't stopped raining since. A couple of weeks ago the north got flooded and last Friday was the turn of the south, especially around the River Severn. The reason is that the jet stream. a current of air at 36,000 feet that usually goes across the top of the British Isles in the summer, is just a bit off course this year, allowing the weather systems normally reserved for Iceland and Northern Scandinavia to come over here. It does happen occasionally.

Needless to say, the eco-nazi's are making all sorts of noises blaming this on CO2 emissions as well. If it's too hot it's global warming and if it's too cold and wet it's global warming! Maybe these people will only realize that they are talking nonsense if we have no weather at all - like the moon. If that happened then even I might start worrying.

Doh!

A Giant Homer Simpson has appeared next to the Cerne Abbas Giant in Dorset. In days gone by people believed that copulating on the penis of the giant would cure infertility. Maybe snacking on Homer's doughnut will cure anorexia?

This publicity stunt by the producers of the new Simpson's film has been criticised by some sections of the pagan community. Maybe they should get a life.

Phoney wisdom of phonetic spelling

Ennywun hurd of tha simpleefyd speling sosiutee? Its an orgunizashun dedeecayted to speling wurds fonetiklee, to mayk lyf eezia for yung peepul lurning to reed and for thoz who hav daily sex. I meen dyslexia. Or dislekseea. Woteva.

Thay lak a littul currij, speling thair oan (own? oown, on?) naym “Simplified Spelling Society”, witch iznt fonetik at orl. Maybee thay wurree peepul myt think them stupid rartha than ded radikul. Ennyway, thair bak in the newz, prosseecuting thair cays. Problum iz, fonetik speling iz hard to standudiz, bekoz pronunseeayshun vaireez akording to reejun and clas. Or clars. So I wud say “owa” for tha wurd “our”, wairaz ova tha payj, Mykul, Minet and espeshallee Symon wud say “aaaaaahhhhhrrrr”.

It mt b bttr to dspnse with vwls almst entrly; as y cn see, its smplr to cmprhnd and nt sbjct to rgnl or dffrng scio-ecnmc fctrs. Bt wd it hlp yng ppl strgglng to rd? Trth b tld, an imbcl is an imberseel, no matter how you bloody well spell the word.

Item by Rod Liddle in todays Sunday Times

Global Warming My Arse

It's the 28th May and it's been lashing down for two days. Apart from that it's only 10 degrees centigrade. I only hope that all the tree hugging doom and gloom merchants are out on their bicycles getting soaked.

As far as I'm concerned the weather doesn't seem any different from when I was a kid a very long time ago. I am convinced that this global warming is just a lot of rubbish and the politicians have leapt upon it as a way of raising revenue with a load of very suspect 'green' taxes. Surely ice has been falling off of the polar regions since time immemorial. Wasn't it one of those that sank the Titanic. A lot of eminent scientists are saying that the earth's climate is affected by activity on the surface of the sun and a few of us driving around in Humvees is going to make naff all difference to anything. I tend to agree with them.

All this 'green' legislation goes hand in hand with other nonsense such as the banning of smoking in public buildings, pubs, clubs etc from the 1st July. I am aware that a majority of people don't smoke and are applauding the change but maybe they should consider it as yet another erosion of personal freedom, like all these cctv cameras pointing at us all day and micro chips in wheelie bins. Maybe the next thing they ban will be something you enjoy doing that irritates some pressure group with the ear of the government! How about caravans? Think on.

Eurobollocks

The trashiest event of the year is over again. My prediction of "nil points" for the UK entry was not quite right as Ireland and Malta were actually Anglophile enough to vote for our rubbish. We came second equal last with France and Ireland were at the bottom of the heap. Their folk song was so bad and out of tune that even the British public, of whom there are many Irish expatriates, didn't give them anything.

The whole competition has become totally dominated by Eastern European countries as they are so small and have loads of neighbours to vote for. Each country gets the same number of votes despite it's population. Serbia won with a particularly boring ballad thanks largely to receiving votes from all of the numerous tiny countries in the Balkan peninsula. Russia had by far the best act with a sexy girl singing trio but could only manage third. The women singing for Bulgaria and Georgia had good voices but only managed mid table. The latter had her good song ruined by some ludicrous Cossack style dancers poncing about behind her.

It's all off to Belgrade next year for another bout of neighbourly block voting. We can only hope that the British public have seen sense and actually select a good song to represent us next year. Not some cheesy crap. The rest of the world (apart from Malta it seems) hate us as it is. Let's not give them the excuse to express it openly.

I Cheated Death - maybe!

After a successful two day trip to Belfast in order visit a sick uncle I caught the plane back home to Gatwick yesterday evening. The plane was full and two men had to move in order that I could get to my window seat. I stowed my small case and my coat in the overhead locker first.

When they started going through the obligatory safety instructions it occurred to me that my mobile phone was in my coat pocket and still switched on. I had two choices. I could ignore the instructions, therefore putting my own and everybody on the plane's life at risk. Alternatively I could ask the two chaps settled in beside me to move again and get my coat out and switch off the phone, thus looking like a bit of a nana. Needless to say, I chose the former option.

The flight was perfect in every sense. Take off and landing were on schedule, there was no turbulence and a clear sky afforded good views of the Isle of Man as we passed by. It does make me wonder whether the phone ban is just to maintain a peaceful environment, rather than having any affect on equipment. The NHS has recently admitted that mobile phones had no effect on medical equipment. Most hospitals now allow them to be used, much to the chagrin of the private company that supplies bedside phones in most places and imposes extortionate call charges, both incoming and outgoing.

Musical discord

I can sympathise with this chap. I have to persevere my wife's Indian music at home and in the car but, as soon as I try to introduce some Jethro Tull, The Who, Pink Floyd etc, I get told to "switch that rubbish off". It's just not fair!

Nothing is easy, you’ll find

Jethro Tull

by Wayne Gladstone

I have loved my wife for over ten years. And running just as deep and long as my love is my wife’s vast and unbridled hatred for Jethro Tull.

To you, perhaps, Jethro Tull is a joke. They’re the flute band who, inexplicably, beat out Metallica for a Grammy in the hard rock/heavy metal category back in 1989. Or maybe you’re perplexed because the name Jethro Tull conjures up not thoughts of music but methods of modern farming and the invention of the seed drill. Jethro Tull, however, is a band (not a person) fronted by singer, songwriter, and flautist Ian Anderson. From the late sixties to the early nineties, Tull composed numerous concept albums featuring some of the most complex musicianship in rock. Their lyrics touched on everything from the abuses of organized religion to Celtic folklore to the deleterious effects of politics and business. Their staggeringly broad musical palette ranged from straight blues to aggressive hard rock to intricate and delicate baroque orchestral arrangements. Tull, along with the Beatles and the Who, occupied a sacred place in my childhood where all music was dramatic, wise, and special. And my wife, who exhibits those very same qualities, ruined it.

How is that possible? Did she dissect the musical construction of Aqualung or provide an unflattering analysis of the lyrics on Songs From the Wood? Certainly not. In order to do such a thing, my wife would have to listen to Jethro Tull. And that is simply impossible. She has to be kept from Jethro Tull the way the kid a with a peanut allergy has to be quarantined when someone brings a bag of Reese’s Pieces to school.

Jethro Tull makes her itch. It disturbs her. When it’s on, she can’t breathe right. It’s like someone has requested she hold their pet spider in her armpit for a minute. Or, perhaps, like someone handcuffed her hands behind her back after applying a dollop of mayonnaise to the tip of her nose. In any event, it is the kind of suffering that no loving spouse can abide, let alone inflict.

Of course, I have tried to investigate the specifics of her complaints, but when it comes to Jethro Tull my wife’s responses are more visceral than analytical. Apparently it has something to do with the beats and syncopation, and that flute’s not helping matters. It’s true that Tull features many songs based around riffs that aren’t confined to the straight 4/4 time signature, but the weird thing is, even if I can play her Tull that is in 4/4 and devoid of any flute riffs, her reaction will be the same. She’ll twitch, swat at the imaginary mosquito in her face, and exclaim, “See! There! That part right there. Doot, doot, diddly-doot. Aaiiiggghhhh!” You can only ask the kid with allergies to go into anaphylactic shock so many times.

The real tragedy is that now, even when I find a moment to enjoy Tull alone, my head is filled with the image of my wife in full blown St. Vitus Dance. And then comes her phantom accompaniment: “Doot, doot, diddly-doot. Aaiiiggghhhh!” Talk about a moment-ruiner.

Despite this tremendous obstacle, our marriage has managed to last over seven years. That’s because marriage is a compromise. You have to work at it.

Also, I am always harsh on her old Cure records.

Copied from http://ruinedmusic.com/about.html

Eurotrash

The selection of our entry to the Eurovision Song Contest brilliantly described here.

http://www.hecklerspray.com/scooch-somehow-goes-to-eurovision/20067493.php

Iranian Scholar: Tom & Jerry is a Jewish Conspiracy

Did you know that Tom and Jerry are part of the international Jewish conspiracy? Let this Iranian 'scholar' enlighten you.

Latest Film Release

Shilpa Shetty

Just about sums the whole thing up.